Can you top Lumines? Can you compete with Lumines? Would you even try? Japanese developer Cyber Front clearly believed there was room for a new puzzle game on the PSP and deserves credit for at least for developing a new puzzle IP on Sony’s handheld, at a time when so many new PSP titles were simply ports or sequels. Cyber Front’s PR machine say the game takes its inspiration from Tetris, but literally turns the concept on its head. Such a description doesn’t really do Koloomn justice, nor does it adequately explain what this puzzler is all about. A mere Tetris clone it is not.

Like Tetris, you have a well, but unlike Tetris, the blocks come, not from the top but instead, they appear, row by row, from the bottom of the well. The game mechanics are simple enough. Destroy blocks by rotating them and placing them next to blocks of the same colour. The D pad moves a square curser, 2 blocks wide by 2 blocks high in size, over the blocks in the well. The X or triangle button rotates the block to the left and the square button rotates the block to the right. Simply combine four blocks of the same colour in any direction to make them disappear. Before they dissapear you can add more blocks of the same colour to the chain. Don’t let the blocks in the well reach the top of the screen. When they do, it’s game over.

Think you’ve seen this game before?

Sounds simple enough. And it is. It’s less frenetic than Lumines, at least initially, although it’s also a little more mentally challenging. Koloomn comes complete with an excellent tutorial level and a simple, well written, full colour (a rarity these days) manual.

There’s more to the game than simply combining blocks of the same colour. Like Lumines, you can also eliminate blocks by bringing colours together as a consequence of the destruction of other blocks. In Koloomn, that’s called ‘forming a chain’, and depending on how successful you are at forming chains, you’ll be rewarded with ‘magic blocks’. An ‘Arrow block’ will turn all blocks in line with the arrow the same colour. ‘Bomb blocks’ will turn all adjacent blocks the same colour. ‘Wave blocks’ will make all blocks on the screen the same colour as the ‘Wave block’ disappear. Still with me?

In some ways Koloomn is an odd mix. The artwork, bright colours and in-game characters scream children’s game, yet the gameplay mechanics won’t be easily mastered by the littlies. No matter your ability, you’ll soon tire of the single player mode however. While you’ll easily get one entry on the leader board, you’ll be hard pressed to knock off the remaining CPU scores. While Lumines provided a visual and aural reward for the investment you make in its gameplay, Koloomn’s only reward is an ever increasing level of difficulty.

There’s no auto save - a glaring omission in a pick up and play title, but especially so in a title where high scores are this games greatest reward. There’s nothing more disappointing than discovering your morning’s top score is not on the scoreboard when you break out the game again later that day.

It’s not all bad news. When you tire of the single player mode there’s a rich multiplayer game mode, although not in the sense that you may have hoped for. In Campaign and Arcade mode you’ll be pitted against computer controlled opponents and take on the likes of Dynamyte Ace and Agent Blanc. The different characters don’t impact on gameplay as much as give a visual face to your CPU opponent. However multiplayer does differ significantly from the single player mode.

Characters don’t impact gameplay but do give you someone to blame.

While the basic gameplay remains unchanged, the different coloured blocks now have greater significance. The colour of the blocks you remove will determine how you attack your opponent. Clear green blocks and your opponent’s rotation controls will be reversed. Clear blue blocks and you’ll throw large blocks onto your opponents screen. This is certainly an interesting gameplay dynamic which adds a great deal of depth to the game. Of course the only multiplayer we are really interested in is true multiplayer. Sadly, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, there is no game sharing and no infrastructure mode available. The only way you’ll get multiplayer gaming is if you find another player with a PSP and their own copy of Koloomn. Good luck with that quest.

Visually the game is polished. The front-end menu screens are unique, but functional, presented in a comic panel manner. The in-game screens, both single player and multiplayer are detailed and bright, with the character animations and scoring information adding a bit of light and colour to an otherwise simple block-filled well that we’ve all seen before. Like Lumines, the music in this game will get into your head. Unlike Lumines, that’s not necessarily a good thing. Quirky, cartoon-like, repetitive and annoying, you’ll soon grow tired of the music and be reaching for the volume controls.

Koloomn has some good ideas here, including some innovative gameplay. Sadly, it’s a game with a bit of an identity crisis. It’s visual and aural presentation is aimed squarely at the younger kids. Its gameplay however, while simple to play initially, actually has a bit of depth to it and won’t be mastered without quite a bit of dedication. Its biggest strength, the multiplayer attack modes are let down by the exclusion of game sharing or infrastructure mode, meaning that you’re not likely to be playing multiplayer with anyone other than the CPU.

The multiplayer ‘attack modes’ are innovative… If only you could find a human opponent.

In the case of Lumines you have an example puzzle game where gameplay, audio and visuals come together to create a true masterpiece. In Koloomn’s case the individual parts come together in an unconvincing fashion. It’s a game not sure of what it’s meant to be and, in the case of its multiplayer capabilities, not fully kitted out to take advantage of its biggest strength – it’s multiplayer attack modes.

If you were only going to buy one puzzle game for your PSP, then you wouldn’t buy Koloomn. Only if you’re a sucker for a puzzle game and already own Lumines is Koloomn worthy of your time.

The greatest leaders and diplomats of the 20th Century couldn’t bring a lasting peace to the Israel-Palestine conflict, but now there’s a chance that a young video gamer with nothing else but a bag of chips, a bad case of acne and a computer mouse can now do what no man before him has achieved, and broker peace in the Middle East.

It makes sense really. I mean if you can train a virtual dog to reliably follow almost one in every ten voice commands screamed into the microphone of your DS, then this is the next obvious step.

The game first made headlines two years back. While the 2006 E3 Expo was still in full swing, across town an alternative video game developer conference was quietly going about its business. The University of Southern California Centre on Public Diplomacy organised a competition to promote cultural harmony. Developers could either modify an existing popular title, or create their own game. It was all very touchy-feely, with developers having to include messages of global peace and friendship.

Shooting blanks in the name of peace.

The game certainly doesn’t lack any back story. Before you ‘unload out’ into the single player campaign there’s about eleven hours of mission briefings and cut scenes to bring you up to speed on the history of the conflict. In short there’s more to ‘watch’ than in all the Metal Gear Solid games combined. Aspiring diplomats can download the demo here.

If this all sounds a little too challenging, then there’s always one of the other finalist entries. Hydro Hijinks, a class project from Montgomery College, is a quiz game about international water rights.

I’m thinking “Buzz, the Big and Incredibly Boring Quiz”. Is it just me or these games targeting a very niche market?

Still…I’ll be fine. For starters, I know the three states of water - tap, still and sparkling. Bring it on.

The Australian TiVo website is up and running and in less than two days TiVo makes an in-store appearance at your friendly neighbourhood Harvey Norman. The Incomplete Gamer hopes they’ve built a golden shrine to TiVo in each and every store: a raised rotating dais, complete with sexy smiling Sale of the Century models, gifting plush TiVo dolls, TiVo Beach towels and TiVo Slippers to everyone who passes; all the while extolling the virtues of TiVo - the god of Digital Video Recording.

The reality we fear, will be something far less compelling. The way we see it, TiVo in-store demonstrations just don’t work.

There are three basic problems here.

First up; have you been inside a Harvey Norman store lately? Harvey Norman might well be ‘Your Technology Destination’, but HN is also your one-stop electrical shop. Everything from your Tefal Breadmaker to your Vidal Sassoon Hair Straightener. All fine products, to be fair, but there’s something a little disconcerting about that Sunbeam Classic Banquet Frypan hovering so close to the high-end AV gear.

Now your own personal Harvey Norman shopping experience may differ from The Incomplete Gamer’s. We gave up on our dreams of visiting all 160+ Harvey Norman stores last year, when Penguin turned down our Harvey Norman coffee table photo book. Having never seen the inside of the Indooroopilly HN store, it may well be that the toasters and the televisions are keeping well away from each other, but that’s not been our experience.

The problem boils down to the way Harvey Norman have classified and franchised sections of the store. You’ve got your aforementioned electrical and small appliances corralled over there and your computers over here. While that demarcation at least ensures the waffle makers will never get too cosy with the wireless routers, it’s still doesn’t seem the most logical way to sort the stock.

Then we have the sales staff. Now to be fair, it can’t always be easy selling in today’s internet age. We live in a time when we, the consumer, can arm ourselves with the specs, the reviews, the head to head comparisons and the prices from around the country before we’ve even left home. The upside of course, is that you could, if your were so inclined, be the best informed salesman on the floor. There is nothing you couldn’t learn about the products you sell, and nothing you wouldn’t know that you couldn’t find within seconds of checking online. Which makes it all the more disheartening to overhear a salesman yesterday telling a customer that he just doesn’t know if the router is compatible and suggesting the customer will need to contact the manufacturer directly himself.

But the biggest problem of all; far worse than cluttered floor space and ill-informed salesmen, is the fact that a demonstration of a TiVo is just plain dull. Frankly, we’d rather watch the Sunbeam Pie Magic being put through its paces. At least then there’s the possible pay-out of a freshly baked pie. It’s not that we’re immune to the charms of TiVo. We’re clearly not, but we think it’s going to take more than an in-store demonstration to charm the average pvr shopper.

In the US, TiVo are so sure you’ll love their DVR that they offer a ‘no questions asked’ 30-day money-back guarantee. It’s an indication of the faith the company has in TiVo, but perhaps also a tacit admission that the only way to truly appreciate TiVo is to take it home, plug it in and live with it for a month.

Turned out videogame box art wasn’t being destroyed by an angry mob, but by the Office of Film and Literature Classification. Apparently, the author of the post, as well as some of those who added their comments to the article, felt that the OFLC was guilty of a something no less disturbing than book burning - they were defacing their precious video gaming box art with the OFLC colour-coded classification markings.

Now I’m more a gamer than a collector, not that there’s anything wrong with being the latter. The movie ‘The 40 Year Old Virgin’, might have gone some way to make collecting, if not cool, then at least, just a little less sad. Myself; I can’t quite see the attraction in simply collecting video games. Given today’s prices, it can sometimes be hard to justify purchasing a game to play it. To leave it sitting in your tv cabinet unopened seems almost criminal. Which is perhaps why the collectors were so miffed when the new classification system was introduced in 2006.

Let me put myself in their shoes for a minute. Actually that’s going to be tough because their shoes are a rare pair of unboxed, Air Jordan II’s in mint condition…but to be fair to the collectors among us, if you have just shelled out 120 big ones for a brand spanking copy of Metal Gear Solid 4, and you’re not even planning on removing the shrink wrap, let alone playing the game, then perhaps you would be upset that part of your valuable box art real-estate has been gobbled up by the OFLC classification. Still…it could be worse.

Videogames already come with health warnings tucked away discreetly on the inside front cover of the game manual. I don’t want to give the OFLC or the Department of Health and Ageing for that matter any ideas, but let’s just be glad that our precious games don’t come branded with various health warnings on the box art itself.

RE Red-Eye: We’ve all woken up with a bad case of gaming-induced Red Eye. Any late night gaming session can cause it, with driving games being some of the worst offenders. Portable gaming takes a toll too; due to the combination of screen size and distance from your eyeballs. The brilliant Lumines is well deserving of the RE classification. Lumines, for the remaining few people yet to experience its sheer brilliance, is a game that no review can do justice. I could wax lyrical about this game for an entire post, but the only way you could come close to understanding how good this game is, is to play it. Just make sure you have the eye drops handy for the morning after.

CH Claw Hands: Face it . Regardless of your weapon of choice, be it Dualshock 3 or the Xbox360 wireless controller, we’ve all suffered from Claw Hands. Grid is currently giving me a bad case of Claw Hands (and Red Eye) right now. For those presently suffering or those contemplating lengthier gaming challenges (e.g. completion of the Forza 2 endurance races), a steering wheel set-up may alleviate the symptoms. Of course, you could always just press the pause button. As well as Claw Hands, there is also the closely related, but less serious, Numb Thumb. Sony once boasted the Dualshock 2 had 255 levels of sensitivity on every action button. Really? At the end of a day’s gaming, my thumbs couldn’t tell the difference.

BM: Bad Moods: For the sake of truth in advertising, all games should carry this warning, both the truly great games and the truly awful. It’s a self explanatory warning really. Most of us just reach for the off switch when the frustration levels become intolerable. We’re more likely to reboot, rather than put the boot into the console, but admit it - we’ve all been tempted.

Of course it may just be me. I could be vision impaired, arthritic and cranky, but I’m pretty sure it’s the games.

And the video games don’t stop after you enlist. The army is now using a video game program to help the soldiers better understand the strangely unfamiliar body language and gestures of the Middle East.

This presumably cuts down on the number of civilians being shot dead while making obscure gestures like raising their hands in the air. It also stops the US committing embarrassing cultural taboos such as blowing up guests attending weddings?

Sure we all thought that a lot of hand gestures and body language were universal, but the US Army sees great merit in the new program. Presumably there’s also a downside from this increased knowledge when the soldiers realise that what had seemed like an offer from the village chieftain that included a free goat and his daughters hand in marriage is in fact something else entirely.

Or when heading out on patrol they can tell just from their CO’s body language that he doesn’t expect their unit will make it safely back to barracks.

Say what?

It’s not all bad though. Soldiers can now pick a curve ball from a fast ball before it’s even thrown and the US Army is my pick to win the Armed Forces International Baseball Tournament in 2009.

News just in from the University of the Bleeding Obvious and the Research School of Stuff We Already Know. Apparently gaming is addictive.. So much so that according to Jerald J. Block, from the American Psychiatric Association, it merits inclusion in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

This probably comes as no surprise to you as you sit reading today’s Incomplete Gamer post in your underwear, bleary eyed, smelly and unwashed, knocking back another Red Bull, and scraping the remainder of last night’s spaghetti dinner that you ate cold and straight from the tin during a forty-eight hour Oblivion marathon.

More evidence of the addictive power of video gaming from Nick Yee. Nick, a PhD. student from Stanford University surveyed more than 35,000 MMORPG players since 1999. Look, I’m happy to see the study has a large sample size for once… But seriously Nick. 35,000 people in the last seven years. Just who’s suffering from obsessive behaviour here?

Not as addictive as the DS Lite but it still packs a punch.

Of course addiction to anything is a serious problem, and there are a few signs you can look out for to determine whether you’re in an at-risk category. You’ve probably been at it too long if the last time you left the house the Liberal Party was still in power, if you only put the controller down and feed the dog when it actually starts chewing on your leg, or if, like Nick Lee, you are into your 7th year of your thesis, have interviewed 35,000 people and still haven’t been awarded your PhD. Nick, you are either addicted to the university life or doing something seriously wrong. Stop interviewing the kids playing EverCrack and submit your thesis already!

Two days post launch and the dust has begun to settle. At the risk of having to rename the site The Incomplete TiVo (TM Pending) , we’re posting another TiVo item for your reading pleasure.

Now the TiVo critics would argue that TiVo and Seven barely raised any dust when they launched the TiVo on Monday. Certainly tech blog Gizmodo didn’t bother hiding its lack of excitement when it posted it’s coverage: TiVo Gets Announced… Does Anybody Care? Apparently not if the Gizmodo readership (or more accurately the ones willing to post) are any indication, however as one dissenting pro-TiVo poster, Ben Anderson noted “TiVo was never intended for the tech-minded on a gadget website”.

Adam Turner, writing for ITWire, distinguished his report both by his enthusiasm for the TiVo and by actually managing to sound like he covered the event in person, and we’d highly recommend his wrap-up of the event. According to Adam, “…from my first play the TiVo seems to already be an awesome Personal Video Recorder. Unless you’re prepared to buy or build a media centre computer, TiVo could be the closest you’ll find to the perfect lounge room companion.”

The Gadget Guy is full of praise for the TiVo, but let’s face it, the Seven Sunrise connection is so strong, we’re afraid Pete will be perceived as impartial a commentator as Kochie, when it comes to TiVo. Much as we appreciate the early report, we are looking forward to reading some independent reviews.

Mixed Messages: Seems JB HiFi is having a bet each way. At first it seemed that JB HiFi Chairman, chief executive, Richard Uechtritz, wasn’t a fan of the TiVo. Initial reports quoted him as saying that TiVo “wasn’t up to scratch specs-wise and price-wise“, but according to SmartHouse, by Wednesday afternoon Richard was having a change of heart. This suggests to The Incomplete Gamer (we’re smart like that) that JB HiFi’s position was more about missing out on the exclusive TiVo sales window, than the relative merits of TiVo’s latest Aussie offering.

On-line Roundup. Google is still your best friend when it comes to rounding up all the online coverage. Much of the reporting has been framed as a battle between Foxtel and TiVo, partly because Seven came out with some fighting words on Monday about the merits or otherwise of Foxtel, and partly one suspects because of the simple fact that there are a number of media outlets with stakes in either the Pay TV or Free-to-Air TV camps. As a result there’s been much negative reporting and the words “crippled’, “hobbled”, or “otherwise impaired’ have become the web’s hottest tag of the week. Having said that, while it was hard to find too many good things being said in the News Ltd stable of media outlets, The Adelaide Advertiser’s ‘Move over Foxtel IQ2, here comes TiVo’ was almost more upbeat than the Channel Seven press release, saying, “DIGITAL recording device TiVo HD - which has been hugely successful in the United States - will be available in Australia at the end of this month”

Speaking of the official press release, if you’re after more details of the launch you can get the propaganda information straight from Seven’s corporate headquarters.

• Tivo Frequently asked Questions
• Seven brings the TiVo HD DVR to Australia
• Australians are now in full control of television with the TiVo HD DVR

Back to Adam Turner, this time writing for Hydrapinion, who openly admits “…I seem to be one of the few journalists who think its (TiVo’s) strengths outweigh its weaknesses..” Adam goes on to conclude that “You may love your PVR and IceTV, and hate the networks, but you have to face the fact that the TiVo is the best PVR in Australia for non-technical users. Just because you wouldn’t buy one doesn’t mean it’s junk.

One last thing: Here at The Incomplete Gamer, we’ve never launched a toy helicopter let alone a major international brand so take this with a pinch of salt but it does seem extremely odd that mytivo.com.au the Australian Tivo website hasn’t seen a flicker of activity for months.

Now we know there’s a dire IT skills shortage and I’m sure Channel Seven are busy unloading the pallets of shiny new TiVos as we speak, but it is a bit hard to believe that they didn’t leave one person back at the office to work on the web. The site proclaims that it is (2008) the Year of TiVo, but the rate we’re going, the year will be over and the site will still be sitting still adrift and unloved like a modern day virtual Mary Celeste.

Fans of sitcoms and procedural crime drama were treated this week to a cross over double act with a difference featuring CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (8:30pm, Sunday 29th June, Channel Nine) and Two and a Half Men (Tuesday, 8:30pm, 1 July, Channel Nine).

So was this stunt TV or was it an an original cross over concept that breathed fresh life into two tired television genres? Today The Incomplete Gamer stopped writing about Tivo long enough to pick up the peanut remote and find out for ourselves.

What makes this crossing over concept original was that (mercifully) none of the characters of either show actually crossed over. As easy as it might have been to send Charlie Harper (Charlie Sheen) to Vegas on a date with a stripper, it was the writers instead who crossed over.

First out of the blocks on Sunday was CSI. The episode titled “Two and a Half Deaths” was written by the creators of Two and a Half Men, Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn.

This time around the CSI Team are investigating the death of Annabelle, a diva sitcom star played by Katey Sagal. With the possible exception of the rubber chicken Grisham delicately extracts from Annabelle’s mouth, there are only a few subtle clues that this isn’t your average CSI episode. A network suit strolling the corridors of the CSI labs remarks “Beautiful people doing high tech police work. There might be a series in this” Later, when discussing the sitcom ‘Two and a Half Men’ a member of Annabelle’s writing staff remarks, “I’d rather sleep with Annabelle than write that crap.”

Behind the scenes of the cross over episode of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation,

If you were none the wiser, there is really nothing distinguishing in the writing or the direction to single this episode out as being unique or special. It does pass muster as a decent CSI episode and as such is a credit to the creative adaptability of the Two and a Half Men creators, Chuck Lorre and Lee Aronsohn.

The second part of the crossover, the Two and a Half Men episode called “Fish in a Drawer,” screened Tuesday night. Written by CSI writers Sarah Goldfinger and Evan Dunsky and based on a story by CSI executive producers Carol Mendelsohn an
d Naren Shankar, this episode revolves around the mysterious death at the home of Charlie Harper, played by Charlie Sheen.

From the minute the opening CSI theme music plays “Who…Are You..Men Men.., Men Men,” it’s clear that the CSI crew have pulled out all stops to milk the CSI crossover concept for all its worth. Unlike the CSI episode, there is no mistaking this episode. All the CSI trademarks are on display front and centre; the flash backs (the dead butterflies and the clown on the bed were our favourites), the forensics, the interrogations, the CSI visual conventions (the cgi microscopic camera work. But throughout, the humour remains classic Two and a Half Men. When checking Charlie’s bedroom for semen using the ultra violet light, one of the Crime Scene Investigators remarks, “It’s like a Jackson Pollack painting.”

Hit or miss. For once a TV network managed to deliver a cross over concept that wasn’t corny. The Networks deal the crossover card at ratings time and as a rule these special episodes result in a positive ratings spike. Yet ratings aside, at best they leave us disappointed and at worst cringing in their wake. Even when TV shows are set in the same city, it is rare that they ever share a similar tone, those shadings of light and dark that make each shows universe both unique and believable. Which is why, for the most part when your favourite TV character stumbles onto the set of that ‘other show’ the jarring and sense of displacement is so great that you, the viewer are unable to suspend your disbelief.

For our money, The Two and a Half Men episode is our pick of the two. The CSI episode just doesn’t shine as brightly. Perhaps because CSI is already adept at weaving the occasionally humorous element into it’s stories, perhaps we’re getting tired of procedural crime dramas, or perhaps, Quentin Tarantino simply raised the bar too high when he directed the CSI episode Grave Digger in 2005.

Over in the great Hoosier state of Indiana, The University of Evansville, posted a story about the impact women are having on the video gaming landscape, both as consumers and in the industry itself. The article is clear about what women don’t want when it comes to gaming. Not surprisingly, and rightly so, women are not keen on games depicting violence against women. Nor, if the article is to be believed, do they want so called ‘pink’ games marketed exclusively for girls.

Now all this has got The Incomplete Gamer thinking about what women really want from video games.

Truth is, women don’t really want to play games at all. It’s a ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ kind of thing. You see, men are interested in the doing, the action, the getting in and solving the puzzle, killing the enemy and getting on with the job. Not women. Women would rather play the game for five minutes and talk about it for fifty, and not even necessarily in that order. For women, it’s all about expressing how they feel. They want reflection and discussion, Women don’t want to spend hours exploring the dark lonely tombs with Lara, when they could instead spend time analysing her motivations for being in the tomb, empathise with how she must feel, alone in the dark, share their own most private fears and talk and talk and talk. Clearly, what we need is a video game club for women. A club where talking about the experience is even more important than playing it.

“I draw strength from the courage and raw honesty shown every day in the Incomplete Gamer.” Ooopla, July 2008.

I’m not entirely sure what percentage of The Incomplete Gamer’s audience is female. Regardless, we will brace for an avalanche of angry feedback from female gamers who would love to analyse, reflect, discuss and dissect today’s post. While I’m waiting, I’ll just duck out and trademark the name Ooopla’s Video Game Club.

OK, so the Xbox 360 power brick is an easy target and The Incomplete Gamer has taken its fair share of cheap shots. Who cares that it’s big? So your Granny had to move out of the third bedroom and find a place of her own. She’s 80 for crying out loud, she should have moved out of home a long time ago!

Rather than continue to heckle the Xbox 360 power brick from afar, we thought we’d get up close and personal with the big black behemoth and provide our readers with an exclusive, inside-look at the power brick.

(A) Hamster in a wheel. There’s a few different versions of the Hamster in the Wheel (Microsoft Patent pending), depending on your power brick’s country of origin. Believed to provide additional low levels of power, to ensure regular, constant, precise power supply is maintained at all times. This particular component is likely to become as much of an issue on the Xbox 360 mod scene as the last generation Xbox DVD drives were. Now the question won’t be - do you have a Thompson, a Phillips or a Samsung drive? - but whether you have a Mexican hamster or a Chinese one. Word on the street is the Mexican hamsters, not surprisingly, have a habit of sleeping during the afternoon hours. If your 360 is prone to lock-ups after lunch, check power brick for ‘country of origin’ information.

“I thought it was kind of heavy…”

(B) Microsoft’s Operation Trojan Horse. So you probably already know about Microsoft’s grand plan to become the most important part of your lounge. Getting you to buy the Xbox 360 was the easy part. And the way they did the hard-sell on the console’s high definition capabilities almost guarantees you’ll be hooking up this sucker to the shiny new HD-ready TV in your living room. Still, the canny folks at Microsoft are leaving nothing to chance. What if you hook up your new Xbox 360 to the telly in your bedroom or the study? This is when Operation Trojan Horse kicks into gear. Inside each power brick is a very small Microsoft employee. OK, OK, you’ve seen the power brick…he’s probably not that small, I’m just exaggerating again. Anyway, the possibly-very-small Microsoft employee, (let’s call him Trojan, for the sake of keeping this simple) is responsible for ensuring the Xbox 360 does indeed become the central most important component in the lounge room. That’s why, when you woke up the other day, the Xbox 360 was gone from your bedroom and was instead plugged into the HD telly in the lounge room. And you thought your flat mate had been playing with it. It was in fact Trojan, who had slipped, stealth-like out of the power brick, and carried your new shiny console down to the lounge. Trojan has other duties, of course. Who do you think feeds the hamster?

(C) Food stores (See points a & b above). Enough food for the hamster and the very small Microsoft Employee. Note: Naturally, food supplies will vary depending on whether you have a Mexican or Chinese hamster and the exact size of your very small Microsoft employee.

(D) A copy of Microsoft Explorer on Memory Stick Duo (What…the hamster and the tiny Microsoft employee you believe, but you draw the line at Microsoft using a Sony proprietary storage medium – why else did you think the price of memory sticks had fallen so dramatically?) Of course the copy of Microsoft Explorer serves no function at all, old habits die hard and MS just couldn’t resist packing it in with the power brick.