Incomplete Gamer

I’ve been feeling a little uneasy, ever since the email arrived from Google News Alerts a few days back. I swear I didn’t even sign up for any ‘news alerts’. How did they get my email address and why are they sending me this spam? Who are these mysterious Google people anyway and what do they want with me? Sorry…, where was I? Ok, so I’m at Starbucks last Wednesday and I’m checking my email, and I see a Google News Alert link to this story about a study that shows violent video games make gamers paranoid. Please. Are they kidding me? I don’t have time for this rubbish.

Instead I fire up my DS Lite and dive stealthily back into Assasin’s Creed: Altair’s Chronicles, and proceed to climb another ladder.

At this point I’ve climbed so many ladders, I’m not sure whether I’m an assasin or a tradesman.  Chances are, the last time you climbed this many ladders you were a carpenter trying to save a lady from an ape.  Between ladders I scrap with a couple of presky guards.  if you haven’t played the DS version, it’s pretty much Assasin’s Creed without the groundbreaking visuals and fluid control system.  In frustration I scream out “Die bastards die”.  Apparently; forgetting I’ve got my headphones on, I yell a little too loudly. There are a few elderly women dressed for tennis, sitting by the window who turn and give me the evil eye. What is their problem?

I turn off the DS Lite off and head to the counter to order a coffee. I give up…what the hell is with these cup sizes? Are they just trying to embarrass me? What ever happened to small, medium and large? Bloody baristas! I order a Tall flat white, but now the Smiling Assassin behind the counter wants my name. I don’t think so. Is that really necessary. Want to plant a satellite tracking navigation chip in my ear while you’re at it?

“You can call me Black Shirt”. I say to the Smiling Assassin. She sighs, shakes her head and motions to the three gentleman standing behind me in the line, all dressed entirely in black. “Ok, John Smith, call me John Smith”, I concede, while warily glancing back at the three menacing dark figures standing behind me. I hadn’t even seen them enter the building. Who are they and what are they doing in Starbucks? The Smiling Assassin is asking if I want to recharge my Starbucks card? What’s she implying now; that there’s not enough money left on the card? Now she’s whispering to the Frothy Milk Guy. Why is she whispering? I wait for what seems a lifetime for Frothy Milk Guy to call out “John Smith”.

I was going to pull out my Blackberry Bold and continue to read the news article about the link between violent video games and paranoid gamers but I just don’t want to turn my back on the three suits. Besides, I need to get back to the Holy Land, recover the Chalice and and shake things up a little. You’ll just have to read the article yourself.